Mother Taught Me

My mom was a beautiful woman.  Her sky-blue eyes, milky white skin and silky brunette tresses were striking.  Her 5’11” frame was model-worthy...her elegant way of dressing herself was lady-like and gracious…she was a marvelous woman.

She was a Southern Belle.  She was reared in Mississippi, and soaked up all the gentleness and beauty of southern charm and southern ladies…she had a beautiful laugh, and gracious way of making other people feel special.  She was a strong, firm “mother,” and taught her children to work hard, take care of things, respect their elders, behave in public and in private, and to treat others with respect and forbearance.  The “Golden Rule” was lived out in our home.

Mom was a sold-out Jesus-follower – a worshiper, a prayer warrior, and a strong and committed believer in the Lord Jesus Christ.  She loved Him, served Him, and wanted more of His Spirit at work in her life.  She sought out opportunities to know Him, worship Him, and experience Him, beyond the walls of the Southern Baptist churches she and we grew up in.  She was a giver…she gave to the church, to its people, to a wide variety of Christian ministries, and to evangelical causes – generously, and without any thought of receiving credit, accolades or the affirmation of others.  She gave effusively and continually to send her children and grandchildren to Christian camps, retreats, church activities, Bible studies and worship events.  She was absolutely convinced that the most important thing in life is knowing Jesus, and making Him known – everything else was secondary.

Mom taught us all what was important in life by “doing.”  She taught us with her personal instruction, with her hands, with her attention.  She taught me so many things that are required of a “Proverbs 31” woman, of a wife, a mother, and one who takes care of her home and her family.  She taught me how to sew.  She taught me how to cook.  She taught me how to set a beautiful table.  She taught me how to bake a birthday cake and how to put together a fun and pretty party.  She taught me how to decorate; how to recognize and use beautiful fabrics; how to organize.  She taught me how (and why it is important!) to write thank-you notes and business letters.  She taught me how to write an essay.  She taught me how to proofread and how to write a research paper....and so much more!

She loved babies and children.  She would cuddle and cradle her grandchildren at every opportunity…she was like a lioness when it came to protecting and caring for her children and grandchildren.  She designed and finished out a large upstairs attic room at home specifically for the benefit of the children (and guests,) complete with window seats and comfy pillows, books galore, tables and chairs for card and board games, beds and rocking chairs, stuffed animals, colors, paper, plenty of room for playing, reading, dreaming, and sleeping, and even a children's bathroom with cabana and beach scenes on the walls and the ceiling painted like the sky.  She delighted to make things beautiful and functional, and wanted her grandchildren and great-grandchildren to have a safe place to play, sleep, dream and grow.

The beauty of her life and personality was like a lovely fragrance, wafting through the halls, homes, and lives of others.  You knew when she had been somewhere, touched someone’s life, reached out to someone in need.  She made an impression, an impact on everyone, everywhere she went.

Mom wasn’t perfect.  She had her struggles, her difficulties, her issues.  She struggled with perfectionism and insecurities. Her standards were high; it was difficult to live up to her expectations sometimes.  She wanted things to be done with excellence, because for her, everything she put her hands to, she was doing “as unto the Lord.”  She had little tolerance for sinful behavior (which was a good thing!) but had trouble accepting those who had fallen in sin, whose lives were marked by adultery, immorality, pregnancy out of wedlock, alcohol or drug abuse, divorce, and other difficult circumstances.  Both of her sisters, my aunts, went through multiple divorces; there were divorces on the other side of our family, too. Having lost her father at such a young age, and watching her sisters go through this kind of heartache no doubt affected her heart, mind and attitude toward situatons like these. Both of her brothers died young as well; so much pain, so much heartache to endure.  She was willing to forgive but had a hard time forgetting, and looking beyond their faults to love them  they were.  She genuinely tried, though, to love everyone with the love of Christ, forgiving yet not tolerating sin, and I often found notes in her Bible and in other places where she had written out prayers, asking the Lord to help her to forgive, and to help those who had been wounded by sin and difficulty in their lives.

Mom endured great pain and hardship early in her own life.  Born in 1927, she was a child during The Great Depression.  Her father died when she was only thirteen.  She was the youngest of five children. 

She adored her older brothers and sisters and her mother, but times were difficult.  After her father's death and the marriage of both of her sisters, all in the same year, she moved with her mother to a small apartment in Jackson, Mississippi; her mother worked as a seamstress, doing alterations for customers at “The Emporium.”  She met my father in high school; they married at home when they were 21.  She wore her best outfit that day – a green silk suit that her mom had made for her.  There was no money for a wedding gown, church ceremony, or reception.  She told me that the first time she met my dad’s mother, my grandmother had set out a bowl of bananas on the kitchen table during their visit….and Mother thought, “This man’s family is rich!  A bowl of bananas, right out on the table, where anyone can just take one if they wish?!”  It seemed too fantastic for her.  And that tells you something of the kind of life she had lived up to that point.  Mom and Dad lived in one of the bedrooms in my paternal grandmother’s home for the first few months of their marriage (the home in which my dad was born and reared) -- a far cry from the brand new house/fine furnishings/fine car/major honeymoon expectations of most American couples today!

They soon moved up to Starkville, Mississippi so that Dad could finish his degree at Mississippi State.  She became pregnant with their first child, my sister, Laura Lisa.  Laura Lisa developed beautifully for nine full months..but something happened…Mother began to hemorrhage, and Laura Lisa died in her womb for lack of oxygen.  She was forced to go into full labor to deliver the child, even though Laura Lisa was already gone.  My father said one of the hardest things he ever had to do in his life was to say goodbye to that baby…to leave my mom recuperating in the hospital…and to drive Laura Lisa’s body in the back seat of their car, in a little casket, back to Jackson, to be buried in Lakewood Cemetery.

Years later, Mother told me, when I would ask her about Laura Lisa, that she honestly could not remember all that happened or how it happened...how she felt…or how they got through it…that it was so deeply devastating, so unimaginably painful, that it was just too much to bear.  And somehow the Lord allowed her to just block it out, and not remember or feel the pain.

After Laura Lisa, Mom and Dad had five more children, the last of whom was "moi" - yours truly!  After Dad finished college and got a great job as a geologist with Humble Oil and Refining Company (now ExxonMobil), they moved to Houston, then New Orleans, Corpus Christi, and later back to Houston; our family enjoyed wonderful years of church, education, friendships, and family events…and Mother had a passion for life that was truly remarkable.  She and Daddy carved out a life for us that was rich and free, full of love, family, friends, and experiences that have shaped who we are today.  Mom worked as a secretary during most of our growing up years, and still found a way to keep house, cook meals, help neighbors, and make sure her children were dressed properly and well-behaved.  She endured our (occasionally!) rebellious attitudes and smart-aleck talk with love and a teaching spirit, but did not hesitate to administer spankings and punishments as often as necessary to make us behave!  The buck stopped with Daddy, though, where discipline was concerned – and we knew not to push her beyond the limit, or we would REALLY be in trouble with Dad!

Mom’s brothers died young in the late fifties/early sixties, and her mother, my grandmother, died just a few months before I was born.  Mom nursed both of her sisters through years of physical difficulty and disease.  She turned our dining room into a hospital room to help nurse my aunt back to health after heart surgery.  She came to her family's aid repeatedly during years of family and financial troubles.  She and my father helped countless people through the years, family as well as others, quietly and behind the scenes, living out the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10) time and time again.

Mother endured years of physical hardship with great courage and bravery.  She had tumors the size of grapefruit removed from her body.  She had multiple surgeries on her back, her legs, her feet, her toes.  She endured years of surgeries and treatments for colon cancer, heart disease and diabetes.  During the last few years of her life, she endured dialysis and the amputation of both of her legs below the knees.  All the while, she gave glory to God for her life and her salvation.  She made friends with nurses and doctors and every person who cared for her.  She was a witness to every person who walked in her hospital room.

The last two weeks of her life were a horrible battle, spiritually and physically.  Her second leg was amputated; before, during and after the surgery, she was in extreme pain and agony.  She was on morphine to manage her pain.  She saw angels and demons in her hospital room; they were speaking to her.  She said out loud that she believed she was going to die, but she never gave up trying to live.  Later, she was moved to ICU, intubated, and could not speak.  The night before she died, she grasped my hand, though her arms were tied down…her wrists black and blue from bruising…her eyebrows were knit in agony and pain…tears rolling down her cheeks.  She tried to mouth words to me and I finally realized she was saying, “Don’t leave me…”  But I had to go; they wouldn’t allow us to stay in ICU any longer. 

I held her hand as long as I could…I hugged her and I cried…but I told her, “Mama, I’m so sorry you are having to endure these horrible circumstances. I love you so very much.  But I want you to know, it’s okay for you to go.  Fly on to Jesus now.  You don’t have to hold on any longer. We are all going to be okay, and we’ll take care of Daddy.  It’s okay for you to go.” I had to walk away from her…to leave her lying there, crying…one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

The next morning, the Lord released her soul to heaven…and she died at 6:55am, November 22, 2003.  One of the hardest days of my life.  And yet, while her physical body died, we know according to the Scripture, that those who believe in Christ, who have repented of their sin, and trusted Him to be their Lord and Savior, have eternal life. And my mom believed in Him.

Jesus said to the thief on the cross in Luke 23:42, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in paradise!”  Psalm 116:15 tells us, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.”  And, John 3:16 sums it all up: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.”  I know my mom is with Jesus in paradise…and I believe that Jesus has allowed her to be reunited with her precious Laura Lisa…and for them to love each other and get to know each other in His Presence.  I wonder what Mom is teaching her right now!?

I am so glad that my mother taught me so many things, and modeled so much of what the scripture teaches God wants from us…but the most important thing she taught me is that Jesus is The Answer to all the world’s problems, issues, questions, needs…that our lives here on earth are brief, but important…and that real life, true life, true purpose is found in Jesus, in following His commands, in loving His people, and in finding eternal life through faith in Him.  What Mother Taught Me….remains.